can i not move forward?

yesterday...
she said she really likes the flower..
wanted to get it for her from the crepe shop..
but i couldnt put it out..
hahahaha..
so embarrassing..
eventually i gave up trying to take it..

i was thinking the whole night..
i should try to go to the shop and ask for one in the morning..
and yes..
this morning..
i went to the shop and ask for one..
i lied about the reason why i want it..
hahahaha..
well..
half lie half truth though..
and they gave me one..

i did change..
i never thought that one day i would do this for a girl..
is she really this special?
i really cant believe i did that..
hahahaha..
now i realise how important she is to me..
because she is so important..
maybe i shouldnt try..
shouldnt try to take one more step forward..
im scare..
im scare of losing her..
but im more scare that i will lose myself if she is with someone else..
what should i do?
not walking away is my promise..
a promise that i will keep for sure..
so maybe i will just stay at one place..
never walk away..
but instead..
looking at her getting further from me..
hahahaha..

i really wanna be selfish for once..
can i?
i dont think so..
i dont have the right to be selfish..
i have only myself on my side..
and the world would prefer to see her with the other guy..
so..
what should i do?
i really dont know..

maybe its a good time for me to leave here for a few weeks..
and see..
how..?
i dont think she will likes it if she found out that i have feelings for her again..
will she?
hahaha..
i dont know..
really dont know..

can i?
should i?