honest

well..
it is so hard to be honest sometimes..
especially to myself..
yeah..
this is how i feel..
i would say that it is my fault..
for me..
it is much easier to blame myself than anything else..
then only i can change myself..

why is it so hard for me to be honest?
cause i dont want to repeat the same thing again and again..
i am trying to change the outcome of the situation..
i am just trying to do what is best for everyone..

at least that is what i thought..
but is that the case?
no idea..
only time can tell..

i dont want to show that side of me to anyone else anymore..
i am scared of myself as well..
that dark side of me..
i am trying my best to keep it in check..
but who knows how long can i be this strong..
it might get loose anytime..

no..
i dont like myself..
im looking for something..
something that is warm..
and will tell me..
its okay..
the warmth that will keep me going..
that encouragement..

if i cant find it..
that is fine either..
i will just have to burn my own fuel and keep going..
my path..