anyone listen to me?

it is not easy to get back to study mode..
hahahaha..
i have lost my study more long long time ago..
i felt like i have lost alot of myself for a long time..

i think the biggest change is that i am not that interested in girls anymore..
hahahaha..
no..
i am not interested in boys at all..
but somehow..
it just felt like..
no matter who i will meet in the future..
no matter how much i might have feeling to that person..
i will keep everything to myself..
that way..
no one will be hurt right?
right?
me..
i dont know..

like now..
i have someone that i like..
but..
hahaha..
at least this time i will keep it as a secret just for myself..
of course..
there are ways to find out..
hahahaha..
like from my text messages in my phone..
no..
i dont text her much..
cause..
cause..
cause..?
i dont know..
cause there is nothing to talk between us..
hahaha..

by text messages i mean..
i used to have this habit of typing messages but never send them out..
those messages are feelings or thoughts that i want to tell the person but i always keep it as a draft..
and yes..
they are kept in my phone..
if you know my password..
you can read them anytime..
hahahaha..
too bad..
only 1 or 2 person know my password..

like i said..
there are other ways too..
but im not gonna disclose too much now :P
it is supposed to be a secret for me only..
muahahaha..

but i love playing this game..
hahahaha..

if i ever need someone to talk with..
this girl is the one i need..
but that is just one sided..
hehehe..

so i will still have to keep everything with me..
looks like i will always be alone..
hehe..
that is fine by me..
i have to start to get used to it now..
it wont be that tough right?
haha..
nothing is for sure..
just have to do it..
take a step at a time..
no rush..

if no one cares..
no one cares..
i still have to live my life..
and type more messages but not sending them..
hahaha..
that is how silly i am..