still so silly

im so bored..
sigh..
need some entertainment..
hahahaha..
everyday when i get home..
im so tired..
suppose to look for accommodation..
but havent done it yet..
so lazy..
need to start to learn more japanese and korean too..
lets do it..

need to read books too..
but again..
lazy and lazy..
hahahaha..

i didnt know what to do..
i didnt know what to say..
no matter what i do..
no matter what i say..
you will never see it..
you will never listen..
im really scare of losing you..
that is why its so hard for me to be honest to you..
i really dont like what you are doing..
but looks like i am not important enough to make you listen..
im really angry..
really mad..
not because whether you care about me or not..
not because whether you appreciate me or not..
but its just that i dont like it that you have to lie to me..
lie to the world..
lie to yourself..
it will only ends up hurting yourself even more..
for now..
i cant really accept what is happening now..

i really once thought of you as someone i can bring around with me..
travelling around the world..
see the world together..
experience new things..
im really still so silly..
hoping too much..
for something that is impossible now..
hahahahaha..

really..
really really mad..
how many times do i have to tell you im always here for you..
i have always try to be the proactive one..
why cant you be the one who takes the first step this time..

is it that you cant trust me?
i think im trustworthy..
i think im reliable too..
so why..
yeah..
in the end..
it is about who is more important..
and that..
i am not..

but remember this..
losing me..
means that you will lose someone that might stay in your life forever..
because i have the confidence to stay that long..
and i am always like this..
i will still be waiting..
i dont want to make the first step anymore..
i will wait for her..
if she still doesnt care..
then lets keep it this way..
silly boy..